Entry #1) Monday, 7-2
Dr. Scott, my new therapist, has recommended that I keep a dream journal to chronicle my “Inevitable Victory over my Chronic Nightmares”, as he calls it. I told him that I already kept a pretty good diary on my own and have since I was 8, but he believes that keeping a seperate dedicated journal will allow for a more precise focus for treatment of my condition. So here goes.
Every night for the last two weeks, I’ve woken up screaming in a sweat soaked bed, clutching and fighting frantically with my bedsheets and pillows. And every night, it’s the same nightmare: a gigantic T-Rex made out of blood eating my friends, then me. It changes a little from night to night, like it flipping Conor over its head from where he had been riding on it bronco style and gulping him done like an Irish Jello-shot, or Elena missing with her talons and getting stepped on by Big Bad’s 8 tons. The worst one yet had to be the third night, though. It ate all my Freakshow friends, Auntie Em, my college friends, and then it looked right at me and told me in a hideous beyond frightening voice that I would never ever leave this place, that it would keep me here until I had “attoned” for furthering it’s entrapment. Auntie Em said it took her a full minute of shaking my sleeping screaming body before I came to. Afterwards, Hobbes said that I would have hexed the whole house had it not been raining outside, and had only instead managed to hex my new voice dictation laptop that I had bought with my Scholarship money. Small miracles, right? Yeah, right…
Anyway, Dr. Scott, who in my opinion is way too young to be giving anybody psychological advice (he’s like 25 for God’s sake), prescribed me some low-dosage Prazosin, group therapy twice a week, a check-up counseling session with him once a week, and some Image Rehearsal Therapy (IRT) homework. Not sure how the bastard expects me to get any actual school work done now, but at $200 a session, I doubt he cares. Took the first shot of Prazosin just now with some water, I have group (Lord help me) tomorrow night instead of my voice lessons, so we’ll see how this goes.
P.S. I’m writing this journal with my new braille reverse-embossment pen that Claret found on Ebay from this guy in Hungary. She feels she owes me for all my Sonochemistry assistance on her latest project, but it’s nice to get out of the house and hang out with someone who doesn’t want to go to sleep either. Not sure why (sarcasm).
P.S.S. BTW, I still mostly dream as if I had full vision. Old habits, huh, visual cortex?
Entry #2) Tuesday, 7-3
Learned what “First Dose Response” means today. Evidentally my small stature and low overall tolerance to prescription meds means that I get to experience all the adverse side effects of said meds at full strength before I actually start seeing their positive results on my nightmares. In case you are wondering what those side effects are, gentle reader, have no fear, for I shall list them here: Standing up means falling back down and either passing out or getting a ringing in my ears, a splitting headache and some intense nausea with occasional vomiting. Oh and a runny nose, but really, that’s the least of my issues at the moment. Dr. Scott said that the “Orthostatic Hypertension” or whatever he called it will dial down as my body gets used to the pills, and that I should continue with my schedule. Auntie Em made extra thin Chicken noodle soap for me because she is awesome, and that I am at this point managing to hold down. The car ride tonight to group (I hate that I’m already comfortable calling it that) will be interesting. Last night T-Blood (my name for my ‘giving him a stupid name to make him stupid in my dreams’ technique) ate me first, and I got to watch disembodied as the rest of the Scooby squad fruitlessly tried to save me or died trying.
IRT: The big bloody T-rex doesn’t eat me.
Entry #5) Friday, 7-6
Last night I woke up screaming, again, with my curtains on fire. Don’t go crazy over that one, it used to happen a lot when I was young and I would have a (rare) nightmare or I wuold be yelling at my mother about something and my voice would set them off accidentally. Enough sonic energy hit the grommets and heated them up, catching the adjoining fabric on fire, but only a little bit. Hobbes disguised the smoke smell while I opened the window and tried my best to put out the fire using sonic pressure waves. It kinda worked. I gotta replace the curtains but Auntie Em and our neighbors are none the wiser. Needless to say, zero positive effects on meds at the moment. Negative effects are still going strong, so strong in fact that I missed my Thursday Applied Physics Lab because of it, as well as my afternoon guitar jam with Conor yesterday. BTW, No way am I letting him in here until I can get an honest answer out of Hobbes on how shitty I look. No way.
Last night, T-Blood ate me, Hobbes, my first grade teacher Mrs. Douglas, and my Dad, in that order.
IRT: T-Blood puts on a Cone-Bra-era Madonna outfit and tries to kill me thru celebrity impersonations.
P.S. As you can tell, Hungarian Braille Pen crapped out on me, resorted to braille typewriter. Expect more typos, ya’ll, this thing hates me and likes to eat my fingers.
Entry #6) Saturday, 7-7
No Fainting today, Meds are starting to ease up, only getting Dysphoria and dizzy when I stand up too fast. Second group session was today. It went fine, I guess, at least they’ve stopped calling me ‘the new girl’. I do feel really bad being there, though. My issues are the result of having the true form of an Ancient Blood Spirit branded onto my brain, and that’s never gonna go away, sad to say, so I don’t have a whole lot to talk about in group. These unfortunate people sitting next to me, however, have genuine issues that they are desperately trying to work out so maybe they can get some F*ing sleep tonight. I dunno, I just feel like I can’t really contribute to the group and thereby help these people since my mental damage is permanently embossed. Or maybe I’m a little jealous that they can evenutally work their horrific mental images out and I kinda can’t. I dunno.
Last night T-Blood ate Jamie, Elena, Madonna, and then me, all with that NIN song (yeah, That song) playing in the background.
IRT: T-Blood runs away in snively whiplash disdain muttering “Curses…” after I show him my boom stick.
Entry #10) Wednesday, 7-11
Meds are starting to apologize to me now by replacing my dyspheric dizzyness with Euphoric dizziness instead, so I kinda feel like I’m on a rollercoaster when I stand up. Dr. Scott mentioned earlier today that he was glad that the side effects were calming down, especially since he was a little concerned that since my reaction had been so strong that I may have gotten Priapism. After he told me what that meant, I’m really glad too! Mental Note: Dr. Scott sounds kinda cute when he’s awkward. Find Ren/Midori/Random woman on the street to confirm. Group is going better, I’m talking more about my childhood traumas now, as a means of having something to share that doesn’t involve the words “Third Eye” or “Blood Ritual”. Oh my first world problems…
Last night T-Bloody Bird ate the cast of Grease, then ate me and my friends. BTW, Rizzo screams on a High C.
IRT: T-Bloody Bird is distracted by the cast of Saving Private Ryan, including Ryan, while My friends and I make our getaway.
Entry #13) Saturday, 7-14
First night without screaming! I still had the nightmare, and I still woke up sweaty and scared out of my mind, but no screaming! Yay Progress! In other news, School has suffered recently due to the meds and extra-curriculor activities, but my profs are cool about it since I do so much thru correspondence and online anyway, and that i’ve held a 4.0 up until this point. Dr. Hilborn says I can make up my Labs with a combination of research papers and extra Lab work with the TA. Probly should get started on those, then.
Last night The Count from Sesame Street began the ritual, T-Big Bird turned into the actual Big Bird and only ate Conor, Elena and myself.
IRT: T-Big Bird shall become T-Rolf in fear of Elmo entering my nightmares and completely ruining my childhood. T-Rolf will play the piano, a light jazzy number, and not eat anyone.
Entry #14) F’ing Sunday, 7-15
IRT backfired bigtime, woke up screaming and on my feet. T-Rolf, Miss Piggy and Gonzo combined into a bloody carnivorous Chimera and ate all of us while we were being heckled by two old men inside the diner. Screw Prazosin, screw IRT, screw Dr. Scott in the not-good way, I don’t care how much he likes Star Wars. Making coffee now, never sleeping again.
Last night can go to hell.
Entry #15) Wednesday, 7-18
Re-starting Journal after failing to adequately and simultanoeusly brow-beat and guilt-trip Dr. Scott into letting me off the hook. Auntie Em layed a much more proficient guilt trip on me to continue, seeing as she would like me to get better to eventually marry and have children, and that this is all on her dime anyway. Old ladies are way more manipulative than I thought. Mental Note: I do and do not want to know why Auntie Em already knew what Priapism meant. Because Eww. Sleeping has been on and off since my last entry, none of it good or non-screamy. Back on the meds, back at group.
Last night T-Barney (only sleep dep will explain that one) hit me with a fire breath weapon and burnt me to a crisp, then left. I lived long enough for Conor to take me in his arms and weepingly lament on how he should never had tried to hide how his true feelings…about how much he hates Queen. My brain is offically an A$$hole.
IRT: T-Bowser will jump and throw a boomerang hammer at me, and I will jump on his head until the music starts playing and I rescue the princess.
Entry #16) Thursday, 7-19
I’m Brilliant! No screaming, no crazy sweating, no flailing wildly! Last night’s IRT went swimmingly, Elena looked ravishingly in her desert colored princess dress and tiara, as did Conor in his Luigi outfit. I still died, ultimately, but in a cartoonish “still have two lives left” kinda way. Gonna try that one again! Also gonna slow down on the meds but still take them.
IRT: Same as last night, additional casting of Jamie as Toad, Ren as a Blue Princess, and Matthew as Yoshi. (Please read that these castings are not to be negative construed, as they are all awesome iconic video game characters that I have spent hundreds of hours employing to fight bad guys.)
Entry #19) Sunday, 7-22
More success on the Dream-Game. Dr. Scott was impressed by my use of my nerdiness as a foothold for my elimination of chronic nightmares, sighting that my intense passion for such things provides a positive emotional blah blah blah…you get the idea. Group is going well, a few others have made break-thrus and I’m jamming with Stephen “Squids keep eating my baby” Nolan after next group.
IRT: Still can’t get past level 3, switching Ren to Yoshi and Matthew to a fireball tossing white over-all Mario Brother. Adding underskirt tac harness to Princess Elena, with grenades this time.
Entry #21) Tuesday, 7-24
Dr. Scott has approved my lower, down-stepping prescription due to my nightmares achieving Action Movie status instead of Horror Movie status. I’m finding our personal sessions much more fulfilling and rewarding once Dr. Scott let his inner geek out in how we talk to each other and in how we address key issues. He made an interesting analogue for guilt-response actions with Luke’s choke grab on Jabba’s goons in the beginning of Return of the Jedi, saying that Luke’s possible survivor’s guilt after Han’s capture may have led him to use darker Force abilities than perhaps he would normally have. Dr. Scott gets hotter every day, coincidentally.
IRT: Finally made it past level 5, switching Mario proper to Jamie and recasting myself as Toad, Adding Raccoon Powers to Jamie’s Red Mario, adding Super-Leaf to Conor’s Luigi, Yoshi Ren will employ Species (the movie) motif, add Blade’s DDT throwing syringes for Princess Elena. This would actually be fun if it weren’t still keeping me from getting more than 3 hours of sleep at a time.
Entry #21.5) Friday night, midnight-ish, 7-27/28
IRT: Minor miscalculation with Yoshi Ren as Species, things got a little horrifically sexy during the later part of level 4; changing Species/Yoshi Ren to Blue Anime Super-Sayan Princess Ren. Drinking some warm milk and trying again.
Entry #22) Saturday, 7-28
Dreams have progressed fully into Final Fantasy-style combats since adding Super-Sayan Ren to the mix. No longer scary, just feels like grinding now. Really aware of how unbelievably repetitive T-Bowzer is on his jump-hammer macro. Dream actually included myself switching off the console after I had died, which was a little meta for me. Midori came over after my group and jam session ended, and brought me veggie egg rolls and home-made broccoli and beef from MamaSama. Sooo good…
IRT: Assign grind Macro to all players, find code exploit in T-Bowser Jump protocols
Entry #26) Sunday, 7-29
And we are done, ladies and gentleman! Beat T-Bowzer at Level 10, complete with fireworks and the Final Fantasy victory music. Suck on that, Ancient Blood Spirit-shaped scar in my head!! I now look forward to a nice, quiet, and boring night tonight, maybe even without dreams if I’m lucky. Meds are almost out, but the dizzyness stopped a while ago so I’m not worried about it.
Entry #27) GD Monday, 7-30
Spoke too soon. Dream video game console coughed up smoke and started doing a combination Poltergeist/The Ring schtick. Back to the drawing board…